Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Round 5: The Port in the Storm

Today was the procedure for the port... and I was terrified.  Surgery doesn't bother me, but a hole in my chest, the permanent IV freaks me out!!  The day started out absolutely horrible, knowing I didn't have to report to the hospital until 11am and could have nothing to eat or drink after midnight.  Those of you that know me, knows Wendy without caffeine = BITCH!  I woke up at 7:45 and said "OH HELL NO!"  and went back to bed.  There was no way I was going to function without anything to eat or drink for 3 hours.
I woke back up at 10am feeling like crap! I always do when I force myself to go back to bed.  At least I was kept busy with getting ready and getting Serenity ready for the trip.

  We arrived at the hospital and walked the long corridors to the ACC (out patient department) and the whole time I felt like a dead man walking!  I hate IVs with a passion, like you would not believe... blood drawing?  no problem.  Getting a shot?  No problem.   IV.. get the hell away from me!   I changed into the sexy hospital gown I was provided and hopped into my temporary bed.  Time flew by so fast!  Before I knew it I was in the ready room, getting my first dose of anesthesia to relax me.  I had some really great nurses with awesome personalities, so we laughed and joked around which eased the tension.

  Time for the OR!!  My anesthesiologist was awesome, he was so funny!  I started to have a panic attack and he said "Oh, we will take care of that", panicky me was like "No you won't, you...."   and I was out.  My last memory was arguing that they couldn't help me.  Typical!!

  I woke up at some point just gabbing away, telling people to shut me up if I was talking to much but they didn't seem to mind.  I was freaking flying!!  I have NEVER felt that high before, and I just had surgery less than a month ago!  I don't remember what I was saying, but I remember talking a lot and I noticed a nurse with platinum blond short, spiked hair.  I loved her hair, I tried to talk to her.. but I kept getting dirty looks... hmmmmmmm.  I found out why later.  I finally was moved back into my room where it all began to get dress and have my IV removed.   At this point, I felt rational for the first time since I woke up (OK, since last night... I am NEVER rational without my coffee in the am).  Time to go and pick up my prescriptions, grab a mocha frap from McDs and a little something to munch on (I wanted fries).  They gave me apple juice and a blueberry muffin in my old room afterwards, but it's not the same as the sweet nectar known as a frap!!

  Now.... the REST of the story...

  According to Barb who was in the waiting room (from check-in to check out was like 3 hrs) I was a hit in the recovery room!  My anesthetized self sang the theme from "Spongebob Squarepants, counted to 10 on my fingers and again in Spanish, and that blond nurse with spiked hair?   I guess I insulted her.  I asked her where she got her hair done, she must have answered because I then said "I don't want to go there!"  Wow, no wonder I got dirty looks!  I gentleman came in the recovery room to see his wife and reported all this to Barb when he got back to the waiting room.  I know that she and Damon had a great laugh.  They had a bigger laugh when I couldn't buckle my seat belt and Damon had to do it... I yelled at him for touching my ass! 

  I am so glad she didn't remember that I had two forms of video recording in my purse: my camera and my phone.  The blackmail would have cost me an arm and a leg! 

The moral of the story:  It's imPORTant to have great friends, it's ok for them to laugh at you when you are at your lowest, because you will get even one day :D 

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