Saturday, May 26, 2012

7 Hours of 19th Century Living

  I remember power outages bringing families together.  You sit by candlelight, tell spooky stories, play board games and just generally talk.  HA!

I have a weird family, that used to work when they were little.  Heck, we went 3 weeks without power when Hurricane Charlie decided to grace our town with his devastating presence and didn't die for lack of entertainment.  We found things to do, the kids actually went outside!  Woah! 

Last night, at 9:19pm, according to Florida Power and Light (FPL), a tree limb broke and took out 3 transformers!  I don't remember the Decepticons being so strong as to take out 3, let alone a little tree!  But, that was their story and they were sticking to it.  We didn't get this information until just around 2am.  In the meantime.........

I reported the outage immediately and got a response that said they would have it fixed by 11pm.  Okay, so we deal for 2 hours.  That's not too bad, family time without faces stuck in the latest technology that mommy (err, I mean money) could buy.  The youngest son attempted to play Candyland with the toddler, but struggled to see by candlelight.  I gently reminded the children that there wasn't always electricity and for thousands of years, children played, read and did other activities with no invention by Thomas Edison.  They tilted their heads like a confused dog, unable to comprehend such a concept.

I watched as they struggled to try to steal some sort of Internet connection from a neighbor, not realizing the outage was the entire neighborhood.  It was quite amusing.  Sweat dripped from their brows as the withdrawal symptoms appeared.  I quietly sat in the recliner, taking in every emotion that played on their teenage faces.  In and out the doors they went, checking to see if power was being restored anywhere.

This was hour number 1!!!!

Hour number 2 was spent explaining to the toddler that no, she could not watch TV as their was no power.  I do mean the entire hour!  A 3 year old has no concept of electricity, I have learned and she was begging for batteries to be installed in the TV so she could watch "her shows" as she loudly put it.  Wow, even my baby is addicted to technology.  My fault!  As I went through chemo, I found Nick Jr. was the best way to entertain her while I was feeling my worst.  I should have set a tape recorder to say "The TV is broken" but, that runs on electricity as well!  Let's just say, entertaining a toddler through loss of power is not a fun thing!

Hour number 3 was spent doing shadow puppets for the toddler.  Yes, my older daughter and I did shadow puppets and poorly I might add.  Note to self:  when your child is scared of spiders, it's best not to do a spider shadow puppet, it will traumatize her.  She enjoyed all that we were doing up until that point.  A dog, a bunny, an alligator and a butterfly.  I also managed to whip out an old man, but the older daughter said it looked more like a pig.  I was running out of ideas, so I tried the spider... MISTAKE!

Hour number 4 was spend answering "why" questions by the toddler.  If I hear the word "why" today, I will go postal.  "Why is there no power?"  "Why did the TV break?"  "Why do we have candles?"  "Why do they have fire?"  "Why do they burn?"  "Why is the dog on the floor like that?"  Why, why, why!!!  By this time, the older daughter was in and out of consciousness, being exhausted from band camp and hot from the lack of moving air.  Did I happen to mention that most of the men folk spent their time outside?  Oh yes, they hung outside as if their sheer will would make the power come back on.  Cavemen mentality.  If FPL shows up, I can help!!  (That's my version anyway)  I reason that it's because they couldn't stand the heat of the house!  WIMPS!  The mosquitoes were horrible outside, so I chose to keep myself and the little one (who was in no way tired at 1am, but full of energy) inside.  Thank goodness I had taken a breathing treatment right before the power went out, but the humidity in the air was making it difficult to breathe.  Cell phones were dying, laptops were dying and insanity was striking.  I found out just how short my patience is when the power is out. 

Hour 5 is when I finally dragged the toddler (who was kicking and screaming) to bed.  She passed out in minutes.  It didn't take me much longer to fall asleep, despite the heat.  I was exhausted from all the wonderful family time.

The family time that consisted of teens having nervous breakdowns from lack of Internet and TV, a toddler meltdown because "her shows" could not be watched,  an endless amount of "whys",  horrible shadow puppets, sweating, complaining, and really terrible songs played by my teenage son that has an odd taste in what he considers "music".

God Bless those that lived in the 19th century... how did you do it?   Oh yeah, you HAD no technology and were quite used to living the life.  I am sorry, but give me my A/C, TV and Internet!
Today is a pleasant day, all faces are into their latest tech-toys and all is quiet on the western front. 

Never again will I silently wish for family time, it's much too exhausting!

I will never, ever complain that my children's heads are stuck in their portable devices... it's so much easier when they are and God Bless you Nick Jr.!  

Peace at last!  I am so glad I went to bed before hours 6 and 7, who knows what catastrophe would have ensued!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


  Those words from Mortal Kombat keep running through my head. 

No matter how hard I have fought through life, and I have had many battles (not all illness) it seems there was always some crazy f*ed up thing dragging me back down. 

Just like Nitara, the blood sucking vampire...I keep coming back to life to kick some more hiney. 


I just refuse to give up, I will keep kicking and slicing my way through life until my last, gasping breath.  My spirit may be defeated at the moment, but that will pass.  I have proven my strength through divorce, the death of my mother, a life-threatening car accident, cancer and I will prove my resilience through this COPD horseshit. 


Yeah, no.  Sorry, but you have the wrong player.  Go find Princess Kitana and screw up her world, Nitara will not go down without a good, long fight. 

Why Nitara?  Because, I will suck the life out of anything that attempts to block my path.  I ate cancer before it ate me.  I devoured certain men before they could devour me.  I will beat the hell out of the next steps in life. 

Some of you are questioning my use of "improper language" at the moment, wondering if I have fallen from my faith.  Nope.  I am still strong in my faith and I know God has my back.  Some of you are wondering why I speak of the "evil" vampire when I am a the Christian faith.  Puh-lease.  Everyone has their own personal convictions when they follow the teachings of the Bible.  I don't feel the least convicted when I curse or enjoy a horror movie or gory things.  I don't feel they are "of the Devil" and about the only thing that I do feel that way about is witchcraft, Ouija boards and demonic stuff.  They totally creep my ass out.  I will still watch movies like that though... I know God has my back.


Sorry, when my time is up, it's up.  God is selfish and wants us all home at some time or another.  I heard that line in a movie, recently.  I liked it.  It seems He's not knocking on my door, telling me to come back, so I am here for a while yet. 


I am glad that keeps pounding in my brain, honestly.  It may be driving me to a white jacket, hearing it all the time (no, I am NOT hearing voices externally) but it's clearly a message.  My inner-self is gearing up for another great battle, my fangs are sharpened along with my claws, and knives.  So, you come on and try to knock this girl down Mr. COPD... the only thing that you will hear is...


and that's yours, not mine!

To my readers:  I am a gamer as well, so if you are clueless about the subject matter involving Mortal Kombat, I do apologize.  I am a proud geek and often compare life to my love for movies, video games, comics and TV shows. 

By the way, on a separate note.... PISSED at TV show HOUSE!!!!  I beat Thymoma cancer, the same Wilson had.  It's a cancer you WANT to have if you get diagnosed with it.  He was diagnosed with the exact same type and stage as myself.  OK, so obviously you wanted to kill off a character since the show is ending, but really???  Use a cancer that is fatal, not one that is completely curable.  I think they chose that type because it's so rare and no one's really heard of it, so no one would question the methods they used.  THIS GIRL DID!   His tumor WOULD have shrunk given the correct chemo, mine did.  THYMOMA'S SHRINK WITH THE RIGHT CHEMOTHERAPY!!!

Ok, rant over. 

House over.

Wow, House is over... guess that just leaves Boothe for my Monday night man-candy!!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Sex...The Final Frontier


  Normally I get enough sleep... I really do.  My brain has time to reboot and not think of all this crazy crap.  Lately, it's just not the case.  So, here is a bit of what went on in my "warped" mind last night as I attempted to doze off.  Please notice that I said attempted, once you read these thoughts, you will understand why it was a fail.

Star Trek sex.

How many green girls did Kirk actually bang?  How many blue?  Were there any other colors we don't know about?  Did he screw the entire female crew?

How do we know that "Bones" actually got his name from being a doctor, maybe he was hung like a horse!!

When the crew landed on that planet with the seeds that gave you feelings, I believe the episode was "This Side of Paradise", did that mean Spock got finally got laid?  I know, Pon Farr and all that... but seven years?  Dude, that just isn't right.  He HAD to have gotten freaky then and a few other times he was riddled with emotions.  Just think of the crying fest he had when he realized how long it had been since he had a good blow job, let alone an alien piece of ass!

Chekov and Sulu... pity fucks.  I know it.  Either that, or they were used to get on the Enterprise.  Hell, I would use one of them to hop on that baby just to see the inside!

How much damage could Worf do?  I mean really!!  Give me a beastly man any day.  You KNOW those ladies were begging him.  His forehead did look like a mean french tickler!

Now we all know that Data was "anatomically correct" as we found out thanks to Lt. Tasha Yar.  Once he got his emotion chip, I bet that boy was humping everything in sight!  Think about it, he had to try everything, experience every emotion, so you know he was going to town, at warp speed!

My favorite thought of the night though was Deanna Troi, the Betazoid.  She's an empath, which means she feels what others feel.  How cool would it be to be her during sex!  You know she not only feels what a woman feels but she can also feel what a man feels!!  Whoa, mind blown!  Riker didn't give her enough though, she was one uptight bitch.  Her mother, on the other hand, you can pretty much tell really got into the kinky crap. 

I didn't really get into any of the other characters, just these few.  It's odd what insomnia can do to the mind!  It odd that I remember these thoughts after being so sleep deprived.  It's odd that I am having these thoughts! 

Don't any of you other fans lie either, you have all wondered the same things.  I just had to be the one to write them down. 

Ok, this rant is over.  Thank you Julie, for the pictures of your Kirk and Spock action figures that probably sent my mind off on this tirade.  I love you!

Monday, May 14, 2012

I May Need to Change the Title...

  Yes, I am in remission, at least until August.  That's when I get my next scan and find out if I am still "cured".  However, there is another "C" in my life that is turning my world upside down yet again. 
COPD.   What's that?  Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary disorder.  As the doctor put it, I have chronic bronchitis with a touch of emphysema.  "Is that like a 'dash' of salt", I asked him.  I have always tried to handle whatever comes my way with humor and a positive outlook.

Until now.

I watched my mother die a slow, agonizing death by this dreaded thing.  It's not painful, you can't breathe!  To me, watching someone gasp for air, suffocate slowly, is more agonizing than pain.  I can't take back the memories of her struggling to walk for she did not have enough oxygen in her body to allow her to move.  I will never forget the blueness in her lips or fingernails from this dreaded disease, nor will I ever forget how hospice kept her unconscious with morphine per our request so she would not realize she was suffocating during her last moments.

This scares me more than cancer!  I swear to you, it does.  

Why must I suffer so?   Stupidity.  It's called smoking.  My mother had an excuse for smoking, when she started they didn't know how dangerous it was and by the time they did, she was far too addicted to quit.  She did quit eventually, when she nearly died!  That was how she got diagnosed with COPD.  Me, I have no excuse.  I started as a young woman of 18 and I KNEW that it was deadly.  Hey, it was more important to look cool, right?  Hell, I mean, we were IMMORTAL when we were teens, nothing could touch us!  Once I got out of my teen years, I didn't have the "cool" excuse anymore.  I didn't even make excuses for myself.  I openly admitted that I liked it and I would quit when I wanted.  That was the problem.

I didn't want to quit.  I was a bored housewife (even worse, I was raising kids in this smoke-filled environment, not understanding what I was doing to their lungs, convinced I was only hurting mine.) with nothing to do but watch T.V. and my children.  It gave me something to do, kept me occupied.  Then there came a time when I knew I had to stop, I was getting bronchitis yearly and every time the same lecture, QUIT SMOKING!  Did I?  Obviously not.  I sat on my high and mighty throne declaring war against anyone that would dare lecture me about my smoking. 


I cry that out in vain now.

I did quit for some time during all of my cancer treatments, and I felt great.  One stressful day lead to one cigarette, then another and another and BOOM, back to sucking that tobacco stick full time.  Now the lungs that were cleaned out by a bronchoscopy and breathing so easy were back to square one.  I felt like I was breathing like a teen again and now I feel like I am breathing like my mother.  I notice my shoulders rise high when I attempt a deep breath.  I get the same shaky feeling when I race for my nebulizer.  I am scared.  I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.  Gasping for air is no fun.  Not being able to play with your children is heart-wrenching.  When you can't walk down a hallway to go to the bathroom without feeling like you ran a 5K, you know it's bad.  I was in denial, I have been in denial about the shape of my lungs for years. 

I was given a second chance with that bronchoscopy and blew it.  Now, there is no turning back, no turning my lung damage around.  The medicines I am on will keep me comfortable and allow me to breathe as long as I use them every 8 or 6 hours depending on the medication.  COPD has no cure.  You can't undo the torture you put your precious organs through, sad to say. 

Now, I am attempting to quit smoking again so that I don't do further damage, for I am way ahead of the game as opposed to my mother, who smoked for 63 years.  I am beginning to think cigarettes weren't as harmful for most of the time that she smoked.  How could I smoke about 38 years less than her and come out nearly as damaged as she?  Just giving every one something to think about.  It really doesn't make sense.  Before anyone asks the question...yes, I was sick like this before the tumor.  So it is not cancer-related.

If you know of someone who smokes, please pass this blog on to them.  Try to help them see the light.  Let them know they will not live to see their children grow and may miss out on grandchildren.  My mother missed out on meeting my youngest and she would have loved her.  Warn them that they WILL suffocate with this disease.  Ask them if they would like you to hold a plastic bag over their face so they can understand what that feels like, the struggling to breathe.  Tell them the medication for this is very expensive.  Most importantly, tell them you love them and don't want to see them suffer!

I implore any smoker reading this, please give it up now.  If you are a teenager, or young adult, you should drop them immediately before you are too addicted and find some better hobby. 

I wish someone had told me all this would happen to me, I wouldn't have tried to look cool, I would have tried to save my life.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Proper Way to Mourn a Loved One

  No, I am not actually going to say what is the proper way to mourn the loss of someone you love.  That would be ridiculous, right?  If you nodded your head in agreement or said "yes", then please explain to me why so many people tell you what you should be doing?

  I have had a few friends lose loved ones in this past year and nothing has burnt me up more than seeing well-meaning advice being given concerning the grieving process.  Some have been told to start dating after losing a spouse, some have been told to go back to work immediately and more advice is to "start living" again.  Um, excuse me?  Are you a grief counselor?  NO?  Then please just show support and keep your thoughts to yourself. 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, unless you go on a murderous rampage, that would be wrong.  Any other actions you do or don't do is right for YOU.  We have all mourned something in our lives, be it a spouse, pet, parent, child, etc. and how did you appreciate the advice you were given?  I bet it wasn't such a warm welcome. 

I am asking everyone to stop and think before you speak to someone that lost someone or something special in their lives.  Please, just show love and compassion, be a shoulder for them to lean on when it's requested of you, do not push yourself on to them.  Let them know you are there when or if they need you.  It's the best thing you can do. 

Remember, loss is loss.  There is no replacing that person or pet.  They are gone and someone is heart broken beyond belief.  It will take a lot of time and healing for them to become themselves again, don't expect them to be "whole" again for a long time, if ever.  They just lost a piece of themselves, part of their heart.  Show some respect. 

One of the worst things I have ever heard come out of a mouth after someone had a miscarriage was "well, you can always have another baby to replace the one you lost"... SERIOUSLY?   Like going out and getting pregnant right away is going to heal that mother's heart and replace every dream, every thought, every emotion she had for that infant she was carrying. 

Sorry for the rant, but the ignorance in people astounds me, even if it's with good intentions.

Remember this, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. 

Now back to what you were doing, go on!  There is nothing more to see here, people!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Want and Need, Learn the Difference!

My darling children,

English, they say, is one of the most difficult languages to learn.  Well, you have been speaking it your entire lives now, so you should have it mastered.  However, you still need to learn the difference between a want and a need.  So, let's go over this lesson yet again...maybe you will grasp the concept this time around!

Example 1:  You WANT that new PS Vida
                    You NEED a swift kick in the pants if your room doesn't get cleaned!

Example 2:  You WANT to go to the mall.
                    You NEED to do your chores to learn responsibility.

Example 3:  You WANT those really expensive shoes.
                    You NEED to keep your grades up to get into a great college, have a career and buy them for yourself!.

Example 4:  You WANT all the technology that money can buy.
                    You NEED sunshine and time outdoors to stay happy and healthy.

Example 5:  You WANT to see that concert.
                    You NEED to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and that bills MUST come first.

Example 6:  You WANT to be shuttled here and there.
                    You NEED to understand that gas prices are on the rise, so get a part-time job and help pay for some of the little things, then you will understand the concept of money.

Example 7:  You WANT those delicious snack foods.
                    You NEED to eat healthier to avoid problems later in life.  Refer to Example 4's NEED to understand how to stay healthy.

Example 8:  You WANT to relax after school.
                    You NEED to do your homework and chores first.  At your age, you really shouldn't need to "relax" so much. 

Example 9:  You WANT privacy.
                    You NEED to understand that while you are under my roof, privacy not does pertain to you for the most part.  Sure, you can shower, change and get ready privately.  Do not expect FULL privacy until you have proven you are trustworthy.

Growing up, I understood the differences, why doesn't this generation?