Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Round 3: The Decision

  My worst fears have come true.... CHEMO!!  I know, I am weird ok?  Cancer should be the worst fear, but I know this is a curable cancer, so I know I will overcome this hurdle.  Seriously, chemo?  I just had this fabulous haircut and color job and now I am going to be resorting to mohawks and the like until my hair completely falls out.  POSITIVE NOTE:   No more Brazilians for a while :D

  Ok, back to the reason for the blog....
It is to keep my family informed that are not local, reach out to other cancer fighters/survivors for encouragement, hope and the like as well as letting me vent the only way I can: through writing! 

I must have sat and cried for an hour today after hearing the news.  I know that most of you would freak over having your chest split open to remove the tumor, but not me.  I freak over the idea of chemo.  I know it's a tough road, but I am willing to walk it for my children.  There is no other reason in the world that makes more sense than to suffer for the little children.  I can't imagine not being around for graduations, weddings and grandchildren.  I hate the thought that my youngest, the 2 year old would grow up, never to know me.  It's a pain that is intolerable for my father passed from cancer when I was 2 1/2.  I don't remember him at all, I know him through pictures and stories from my siblings, mother and their old friends.  But that is really not knowing who he was as a person, a father.  I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy, let alone my precious little princess.

  I am strong, determined yet scared all at the same time. 

  I really can't wait to found out what chemo does to the body, from a scientific, medical standpoint only ( I am not some sicko, just sick!)  I have heard stories that gave me chills, but every person's body reacts differently to all things environmental or chemical. 

Today's emotions:  Fear, Anger, Curiosity, Sadness, Determination and Hope

Sorry the humor isn't really abundant in this post, but it is still soaking in.  Perhaps tomorrow I will find something funny in all this and make you laugh til your hair falls out!


  1. I'm so glad to have met you online, but sad that it has to be under such craptastic circumstances. You are a strong mama, and you will be beautiful no matter what you decide to do with your head. Thanks for sharing with us.

  2. @ Lula... Thank you my dear and it's an honor to be your friend. You are strong as well and I am so happy Bruce found you. I, too am sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances, but hey, next time you come to visit the in-laws, we will have to get together!