My worst fears have come true.... CHEMO!! I know, I am weird ok? Cancer should be the worst fear, but I know this is a curable cancer, so I know I will overcome this hurdle. Seriously, chemo? I just had this fabulous haircut and color job and now I am going to be resorting to mohawks and the like until my hair completely falls out. POSITIVE NOTE: No more Brazilians for a while :D
Ok, back to the reason for the blog....
It is to keep my family informed that are not local, reach out to other cancer fighters/survivors for encouragement, hope and the like as well as letting me vent the only way I can: through writing!
I must have sat and cried for an hour today after hearing the news. I know that most of you would freak over having your chest split open to remove the tumor, but not me. I freak over the idea of chemo. I know it's a tough road, but I am willing to walk it for my children. There is no other reason in the world that makes more sense than to suffer for the little children. I can't imagine not being around for graduations, weddings and grandchildren. I hate the thought that my youngest, the 2 year old would grow up, never to know me. It's a pain that is intolerable for my father passed from cancer when I was 2 1/2. I don't remember him at all, I know him through pictures and stories from my siblings, mother and their old friends. But that is really not knowing who he was as a person, a father. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy, let alone my precious little princess.
I am strong, determined yet scared all at the same time.
I really can't wait to found out what chemo does to the body, from a scientific, medical standpoint only ( I am not some sicko, just sick!) I have heard stories that gave me chills, but every person's body reacts differently to all things environmental or chemical.
Today's emotions: Fear, Anger, Curiosity, Sadness, Determination and Hope
Sorry the humor isn't really abundant in this post, but it is still soaking in. Perhaps tomorrow I will find something funny in all this and make you laugh til your hair falls out!