Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Round 3: The Decision

  My worst fears have come true.... CHEMO!!  I know, I am weird ok?  Cancer should be the worst fear, but I know this is a curable cancer, so I know I will overcome this hurdle.  Seriously, chemo?  I just had this fabulous haircut and color job and now I am going to be resorting to mohawks and the like until my hair completely falls out.  POSITIVE NOTE:   No more Brazilians for a while :D

  Ok, back to the reason for the blog....
It is to keep my family informed that are not local, reach out to other cancer fighters/survivors for encouragement, hope and the like as well as letting me vent the only way I can: through writing! 

I must have sat and cried for an hour today after hearing the news.  I know that most of you would freak over having your chest split open to remove the tumor, but not me.  I freak over the idea of chemo.  I know it's a tough road, but I am willing to walk it for my children.  There is no other reason in the world that makes more sense than to suffer for the little children.  I can't imagine not being around for graduations, weddings and grandchildren.  I hate the thought that my youngest, the 2 year old would grow up, never to know me.  It's a pain that is intolerable for my father passed from cancer when I was 2 1/2.  I don't remember him at all, I know him through pictures and stories from my siblings, mother and their old friends.  But that is really not knowing who he was as a person, a father.  I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy, let alone my precious little princess.

  I am strong, determined yet scared all at the same time. 

  I really can't wait to found out what chemo does to the body, from a scientific, medical standpoint only ( I am not some sicko, just sick!)  I have heard stories that gave me chills, but every person's body reacts differently to all things environmental or chemical. 

Today's emotions:  Fear, Anger, Curiosity, Sadness, Determination and Hope

Sorry the humor isn't really abundant in this post, but it is still soaking in.  Perhaps tomorrow I will find something funny in all this and make you laugh til your hair falls out!

2 comments:

  1. I'm so glad to have met you online, but sad that it has to be under such craptastic circumstances. You are a strong mama, and you will be beautiful no matter what you decide to do with your head. Thanks for sharing with us.

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  2. @ Lula... Thank you my dear and it's an honor to be your friend. You are strong as well and I am so happy Bruce found you. I, too am sorry we didn't meet under better circumstances, but hey, next time you come to visit the in-laws, we will have to get together!

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