Saturday, April 16, 2011

Round 4: Utter Frustration

I have come to realize something, (and I don't mean to belittle breast cancer at all... trust me, I lost my sister-in-law to that horrible beast) but what I have noticed while doing research for financial aid is that MOST funding is available to breast cancer patients and their families.  There are so many programs dedicated to breast cancer and not enough for all the other patients that have a different form of cancer. 

  Not being able to work right now has me more depressed than my actual disease.  I have no idea where rent is going to come from in two weeks, how electric is going to get paid and the stress of these is unreal.  I keep hearing time and time again that I need a "stress-free" life right now to beat this, that all thoughts should be "happy happy joy joy"... yeah, sure.   Go ahead, try to raise children on little to no money while dealing with the diagnosis of cancer and juggle bills like a professional in a circus and have no stress.  I am really sorry, but that is not possible.

  I fight every day of my new existence to remain upbeat, positive and confident.  I am not magical, I cannot snap my fingers and make all things possible.  I really need to live it one day at a time (yes, it's cliche, but true!).  I know God will somehow provide, He always has.  When your life is your children, you tend to fear for what you can't provide for them.  I wish I could say my fears were not giving them an Xbox 360 or the iPod touch, but they are not... they are for the mere basics we need to survive, and since I don't have breast cancer, it looks like I am out of luck.


  1. Wendy, I agree about breast cancer, I have been complaining about it for a while now (long before Marc got cancer). I think the worst is hearing about raising awareness, I would like to find one person who isn't aware of it. I am lucky enough to have a rainy day fund but it won't stop pouring and am just about out. We don't have kids so at least I don't have that worry.I am glad I found your blog. I continue to hold you and your little ones in my heart. Keep up the fight!!!

  2. Thank you for your words, J. I am so sorry Marc has to go through this as well. It's frustration at it's worst. I continue to pray for you and Marc... and hope finances get better, I know God will provide xo