Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Observations from the End of a Noose (Chapter I)

Ok, I decided to post the original on here after all.  It's much funnier than today's and I really want to keep my writing together.

Happy Reading!

As I relax upright on my bed, where I have been for the last week, I have had some realizations.
1.  Children really do suffer from brain damage. (credit to Bill Cosby)  Why are they so self-sufficient when you are well and then when you are sick, they seem to forget all they knew just that day before?   Brain-damage!!

2.  Friends will send you well-wishes, pray and chat with you.  Best friends will check on you daily, bring you comfort food and try to get your ass motivated!

3.  I think that men suffer from brain-damage as well, for they seem to be unable to do the things they normally do when you are down for the count.  They also forget where things are, only able to find the remote to the TV.  Now that is the kicker, when you are well, it's no where to be found, when you are sick... they find it easy enough.

4.  The tolerance level of men greatly decreases when you are sick.  Let's face it, men are gross.  But let one nasty thing fly out of your mouth when you are hacking and coughing and it's the end of the world.  Oh sure, it's ok for you to spit out nasty things on a regular basis, don't mind us.

5.  Kleenex, Puffs, or whatever your choice brand  need to come in an industrial size just for women.  We wipe our noses, our children's noses, dry our friend's tears, not to mention our own.  I find it funny that the only time a man seems to need one is when we are knocking on death's door, clinging to our tissues, and they grab the last one.  Is this a conspiracy?

6.  I need a new bed.  Yes, this last week has shown me my bed is much too comfortable.  Maybe if I had a concrete one, I would suddenly feel better.

7.  When you look your worst is when company comes by unannounced.  Thank you for visiting, I love my friends, but use a telephone please!  My appearance at the moment makes Medusa look hot!

8.  Being sick is great for weight loss.  I am asking my friends, when you are sick, to please come by and sneeze or cough on me, I am not size 5 yet...

9.  Housework will NOT get done while you are sick, quite the opposite in fact.  By the time you are well enough to move about, your home should be featured on a "Hoarders" episode, even though you have designated chores to your loving family.

10.  You never realize how much crap you truly have until it's strewn about the house, laundry room and garage.  See number 9 for the reason.

Thank you to all my friends and family for the wonderful way you take care of me.  Thank you to my best friends for the actual way you take care of me!!

Copyright 2011 ~ Wendy L. Loose

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