Friday, July 1, 2011

Some Hard News to Swallow

  Ok, my surgery is the 7th and I received some good AND bad news.  The tumor was reduced by 75%, not 50% as originally thought.  A small miracle invaded my life and I am so grateful for that.  The hard news was hearing my lungs weren't so hot and I need to change my lifestyle (aka quit smoking).  I already knew that after this cancer scare but I really didn't need to hear just how bad smoking did affect them.  OUCH!  I also didn't need to hear that for 8 weeks I won't be able to lift things over 8 pounds.  WHAT??  I can't life my precious baby girl? 

  Cut me open like a living autopsy, take my cigs from me, but do NOT tell me that when my princess comes running open-armed to me that I can not pick her up!  I am crushed by this... no... I am devastated!  When she asks to be picked up, I am going to have to say no and she is not going to understand why.  The only thing she is going to understand is mommy is rejecting her and that is going to hurt her deeply.  Just great.  I will officially become the worst mom in the world to her all because I saved my life for her.  I know she will get over it in time, for right now though, she is going to be mad.  I guess I had better make sure Lovey Bunny is nice and clean, for the both of us!

  The trip to Tampa this time was really uneventful.  Stacey, Barb and I stayed at a hotel overnight, since the evil people that schedule this stuff decided my pulmonary function tests should be at 7:30 am.  ??  Ok, I know I get up early, but not every one does and I do not want to be put through tests that early.  Once I huffed and puffed like that big bad wolf enough times for Ms. Piggy, I was done, and dizzy!  I didn't sound like a chipmunk, but they mix oxygen and helium together for the test since helium is lighter than oxygen.  Yesterday, I truly was an air-head! 

  We drove around Tampa for a while, seeing my old home of Carrolwood.  I saw my first apartment, my first job in Tampa and so many restaurants and stores where I used to go.  Ah, I love nostalgia.  Oops wait... Oh yeah, the dizziness was getting to me and we had to return to Moffitt.  Besides, I had two more appointments to go to and those were the important ones. 

  So, now you know.  Now I know.  Smoking is really bad, I mean really!  It's not some ploy by evil non-smokers to get you to stop polluting their air, it's not some ploy by the Surgeon General to scare us all into goody-two-shoes.  It's honest and for-true bad!  I now have COPD (which my mother died from) but not as bad as her.  If I quit now, I won't be on oxygen by the time I'm 50!  Bye, bye tobacco, I thought you were my friend.  You kept me calm when I was stressed, entertained me when I was bored and shared so many tears with me.  It's time I find a new friend, one that won't try to kill me when I am in the same situations!

1 comment:

  1. I have had to refrain from picking my kids up after surgery too. It is very hard! I told them we had to wait until my boo boos inside got all better. Put it in terms she can maybe understand. Plus, you can sit on the couch and have her climb up for snuggles! Can still get that precious contact you both need! :)