Chaos and Clutter: My Heart Isn't There... It's in the Pit

My 25th class reunion is coming up next week. My heart isn't there. There are people I want to see, people I truly miss but my heart will be at another event held the same weekend. Bruceapaloozastockfest (or something like that).

I saw what the world COULD become when over 140 of us joined together to laugh, cry, curse and fight together for one man, Bruce C. Rosenberg. For over a year, one by one, we all slowly came to this cause and showed our love for this family. The craziness and bawdiness (is that even a word?) that ensued shall remain with the Pit Crew forever and it's our secret. It's a tight bond we share, tighter than any high school acquaintances I may encounter. I won't denounce my best friends from high school, and you know who you are. You are just as important to me as "The Crew", it's just that I never got to see Bruce and his family but one time, and that was when I was recovering in Moffitt.

This "Crew" has been my family, through the ups and downs of life, we remain constant and steady in the unicorn fart-driven, skittle pooping insanity of our own little world. I swear I would lose my mind some days if not for them. I know just a few from school and had the honor to meet Mrs. Rosenstud (as she is now known, because she is THAT awesome) and her two beautiful daughters and share some precious time with Bruce and those "Berg" women. I feel so blessed to have had them honor me with their presence during my recovery. When I think of my cancer battle, I feel like a wimp next to the strength this family has shown.

So, when I attend this reunion, to which I am currently debating on actually going, for my heart is truly not in it, I will be toasting every single member of the "Crew" for being one amazing universe of love. How's that for a run-on sentence! Bleh!

I do cry over the fact that I am missing out on a celebration of an incredible man's life. I cry for selfish reasons, for I am not able to meet the people that not only supported Bruce 100%, but were also there for me, for us all. Not one single person's life in "The Crew" will ever be the same again, as we all were touched by the immense emotions we shared. None of us will ever be the same person we once were and that's a very good thing. We saw the world through a rainbow and it was beautiful.

So forgive me, my classmates, if I seem a little off or morose. It's not you, it's me. I am missing the most important event in my lifetime (to me, at least and not by choice) to try to do what? Recapture old times? To see how people have changed? To watch the cliques gather yet again, to only be left out as the "geek" or "nerd" ?? Yeah, just what I need. The more I type about it, the more I really don't want to go. But, there are people I HAVE to see, people that need to be thanked for helping me through MY cancer that I went to school with. I also want to see my BFF Jill, and Mason for they have loved me unconditionally through everything and they matter most. If Kimberly was going, I would jump for joy.

But... my heart won't be there...

I love you Pit Crew. Have fun, drink a few for me and give those "Berg" women hugs and kisses. Reina, Dacia, Liz, Susan, Peter, Bill, Judy.... and especially Julie, Ella and Lucy.... (I wish I could name you all), I will truly hold you in my heart next weekend. It is with you, as you party, get stupid and cause all the trouble in the world along with honoring a man of unquestionable amazement. Record those "snorts" and "giggles" for me and if Reina or Julie do something REALLY stupid, I want video!! Hahahahaha!

Thank you for being my "second family". Thank you for making days sunnier and brighter and filling my life with hope for a better world.